Pretender Payback: Revenge, the Felonious Kind
by Ashlee1
Summary: A fanfiction writter has a bit of a run in with some characters


1 Pretender Payback – Revenge, the Felonious Kind  
  
1.1 By: Ashlee  
  
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Disclaimer: I offered to buy them, but Steven and Craig laughed at my fifty- dollar bill and me. Whatever guys, you'll be sorry. Don't come cryin' to me if TNT turns you down!  
  
Authors Note: Okay, got the idea while doing dishes last night. I was thinking about how mom says I'm obsessive-compulsive when it comes to doing dishes, cause if they aren't done in order I freak. And then I starting thinking about the latest PP by Princess, and this is what happened…  
  
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1.1.1 Ashlee's House  
  
Lorrene walked into the house after a long shift at the hospital. She kicked off her shoes thanking God that that damn dog was outside so it wouldn't pounce on her ruining her nursing uniform. She looked at her watch. 3:30 p.m., and from the looks of it nobody was home. She called out for her daughter. "Ashlee! Ashlee, you here?" No answer. Lorrene shrugged her shoulders and went into the kitchen to make something to eat.  
  
1.1.2 Outside  
  
Jarod looked at the map that Miss Parker held. "Are you sure this is the place?"  
  
Miss Parker glared at him. "Well seeing she's out in the middle of freakin' nowhere and every damn dirt road looks the same, I wouldn't know! You tell me boy wonder."  
  
Jarod shrugged, "Well it looks the same as the one we went to last time. We can just go and ask."  
  
Miss Parker clapped "Brilliant pla…" She was cut off as a yellow barking dog came barreling towards her, she back stepped into Jarod as the dog came to an abrupt stop…it was on a chain. Miss Parker glared at the animal as it continued barking and walked towards the porch.  
  
1.1.3 Inside  
  
Lorrene stopped in the middle of spreading tuna fish on a slab of bread at the sound of the dog's vicious bark. She put down the knife, and cautiously walked to the window, expecting the bears to be out by the burn pit, instead finding two oddly dressed people walking up her driveway. "Damn," she swore, thinking that they were those damned survey people who just wouldn't leave her the hell alone. She opened the door just before they knocked and looked up at them both from her five foot vantagepoint. "Yes?"  
  
Jarod hesitated, not expecting this person to answer the door. "Yes, we're looking for Ashlee, is she here?"  
  
"Why?" Lorrene asked, still blocking the door as well as a petite five-foot tall woman can.  
  
Miss Parker was starting to get annoyed, she didn't have all day to be interrogated. "Because we have to talk, where is she?" Miss Parker's tone was menacing, but her tactic didn't work. Lorrene had stood up too much bigger, much more violent advisories and wasn't about to back down.  
  
"Goodbye," Lorrene said as she began to shut the door, stopped by the man's foot. "I'm sorry Miss…" Jarod held off waiting for her to give out a name.  
  
Lorrene waited a good while. "Call me Lorrene, say Lorraine and you die." She opened the door and ushered them in. After they were seated she sat down on the opposite couch. While looking at her watch she informed them "You have five minutes, make it good." She lit a ciggarete.  
  
"I'm Jarod and this is Miss Parker." Jarod stopped, obviously expecting her to recognize these names.  
  
"And?" She asked dragging out the word. "Am I supposed to know you?"  
  
"You don't watch the Pretender?" Miss Parker asked.  
  
"The what?" Lorrene asked completely confused.  
  
"The Pretender, it's a television show your daughter watches…and writes stories about." Jarod filled her in.  
  
"Oh yeah, she mentioned something about writing a story, and being nominated for something. What does that have to do with you?"  
  
Parker sighed exasperated. "Because we are the people she writes about, and right now she has us hanging in limbo until she finishes her damned story!"  
  
Lorrene stood looking at them like they were crazy. "I have to make a phone call." She said as she backed towards the trailer that was attached to the addition. Jarod and Parker looked at her like she was crazy, but just nodded.  
  
1.1.4 Outside  
  
Ashlee drove down the road and nearly had a heart attack when she saw the black town car on the road. "Oh no!" She sped up and whipped into her driveway and parked. She ran up the steps and flung in the door. She slammed the door shut and looked around. As soon as she saw the intruders she backed against the door. "J…jjjarod, Miss Parker," she said regaining her composure, "what a pleasant surprise!"  
  
"Ashlee?" Came her mom's voice from the kitchen. She entered the room holding the portable phone. "You know these people?"  
  
"You could say that." Lorrene hung up the phone  
  
Miss Parker stood and glared at Ashlee. "How nice of you to show up! We have some business to discuss."  
  
"You know Miss P. the world has yet to start revolving around you, although your ego is big enough to have it's own gravitational pull." Ashlee said calmly taking off her sandals and setting them next to the couch. She heard Jarod snicker and her mother's mouth drop.  
  
Parker glared at her and returned to her seat on the couch, and opened her mouth to reply, when Jarod spoke, stopping her. "We're here to talk about FOI7. When's it going to be done?"  
  
Ashlee laughed, and her mother, who was sitting next to her, felt her daughter's forehead. Finding she had no fever she felt her own, nothing, then she pinched herself. Surely this was all a dream!  
  
"I haven't even started it, finishing is the last thing on my mind right now!" Ashlee replied, leaning into the cushions, legs crossed.  
  
Jarod and Miss Parker stared at her astounded. "What could possibly be more important?" Jarod asked seriously.  
  
"Hmm, lets make a list, shall we? Getting accepted to the college that I want, having fun this summer, shopping, and swimming in Lake Superior. Do you want me to keep going?"  
  
Parker shook her head to the negative and looked at her. She had no options. She couldn't very well threaten to kill Ashlee, she'd know that it was a bluff and nothing would be written. Then, as she looked at her mother, a plan began to formulate.  
  
"Do you even know where it's going?" Jarod asked. "Give us a hint?"  
  
Ashlee nodded, thinking that the request sounded fair. "Another bad guy is going to enter the picture, some secondary characters, and some main ones are going to meet their maker and…someone's having a baby!" Ashlee exclaimed in mock excitement, while looking at Parker for her reaction. She wasn't disappointed.  
  
Parker's face went pail and she stood up pointing a finger at her. "If I am pregnant you are going to pay!"  
  
Ashlee laughed at her. "Okay, first off, you said it was you? Aren't we a little full of ourselves? And secondly, I thought you wanted this written. Don't make promises you can't keep, Miss Parker. It's not nice."  
  
Parker froze the options running over he mind, and was about to make a move when she felt a hand on her arm. She looked over and saw Jarod shaking his head, and whispered into her ear, "Not yet Miss Parker, let's give her a week, if it's not done by then, we grab her." Miss Parker nodded and smiled viciously, Ashlee had no idea what was going to happen.  
  
Jarod pulled back from Miss Parker and smiled at the other two women. "Well, thank you Ashlee, but we have to get going. You know, lots of Pretender fan fiction writers to visit." Ashlee nodded, but was looking at Miss Parker suspiciously. She had a strange look about her.  
  
"Fine I'll see you later." Ashlee said, still looking at Parker.  
  
A menacing smile spread across her face, as Miss Parker replied. "Oh you can count on it!"  
  
With that the two visitors left just as they had come.  
  
As soon as they were gone Lorrene, who had been the picture of silence, asked, "Who the hell were those people?"  
  
Ashlee smiled. "Ever hear of the Pretender?"  
  
Seven Days Later  
  
1.1.5 Location: Unknown  
  
Jarod and Miss Parker sat silently waiting for their co-main characters to appear. After five minutes they heard a knock at the entrance and Miss Parker rose to get the door. She opened it and smiled. "Mulder, Scully, come on in!"  
  
Mulder ushered Scully in by placing his hand on the small of her back and they both took a seat. "So," Scully began, "What was so important that we had to get down her at one in the morning?" Scully sat next to Mulder, arms crossed over her chest.  
  
"We have a plan to get Ashlee to write her story." Jarod said from the other side of the table, next to Miss Parker.  
  
Mulder and Scully's mouths both opened and then shut. "What do you have in mind?" Mulder asked.  
  
"Revenge, the felonious kind." Miss Parker smiled.  
  
Seventh Day  
  
Ashlee's House  
  
8:00 p.m.  
  
Ashlee sat home alone, her mother working yet another double at the hospital and her mother's boyfriend god only knew where. Not that she minded, it gave her a chance to read some fic. She needed an X-Files hit so she entered the Gossamer Project and looked through the latest fics, unaware of the happenings twenty miles away.  
  
Seventh Day  
  
Hospital  
  
8:00 p.m.  
  
Lorrene stepped out back to have a cigarette. She hated to go out back alone, but it wasn't dark out yet, so she figured herself to be safe. She didn't hear the footsteps behind her, nor the sound of a cap being taken off the syringe. She realized her predicament when she felt the needle enter her arm, and saw two familiar faces looking back at her. Then all was black.  
  
The two figures brought the limp body of the woman over to a nondescript car where two other people sat waiting. As soon as the body was in, the car took off.  
  
Seventh Day  
  
Ashlee's House  
  
10:00 p.m.  
  
Ashlee was reading a rather long story, so she had disconnected herself from the Internet while she read. The ringing phone startled her and she ran for it. "Hello?"  
  
"Ashlee?" Came a familiar voice.  
  
"Hey Miss P, I thought it was Jarod's job to make the late night phone calls." Ashlee said taking a seat on the couch.  
  
She could hear Miss Parker grin. "Oh, not this time, not when I want to have the fun!"  
  
"Well, I'm glad you've found a new way to amuse yourself. I always thought you'd find the pretty noise the buttons made entertaining."  
  
"Oh Ashlee, your wit is remarkable, but this is a serious call. An ultimatum of sorts."  
  
"I'm listening." Ashlee said, sounding rather bored.  
  
"Let me put you on speaker phone." There was a pause, and then other voices spoke. "Hello Ashlee. Hey Ashlee. Hi."  
  
Ashlee paused. "I see the whole gang is there! Mulder, Scully, Jarod and you. Wow. Why wasn't I invited to the shindig?"  
  
Miss Parker snickered. "The invite must have had the wrong name on it. You mom is here."  
  
Ashlee gasped. "What the hell is this?"  
  
Parker snickered again. "What's wrong Ashlee? Run out of witty comments?"  
  
"What do you want?" Ashlee asked, ignoring the last comment, and all business.  
  
"You have to ask? We want Feelings of Indignation 7 written, and then we'll release your mother." Miss Parker said sweetly.  
  
Ashlee thought for a moment. "No."  
  
"What?" Came four incredulous voices over the line.  
  
It was silent again for awhile and then Ashlee smiled. They were going to pay, one way or another. "Fine. I'll have it for you in two days. We meet at the Downtowner, ten p.m." Ashlee hung up the phone and ran to her computer.  
  
Seventh Day  
  
Location: Unknown  
  
10:15 p.m.  
  
"Wow that was easier than I thought I was going to be." Mulder said satisfied.  
  
"Don't you think it was too easy?" Asked Scully, looking at Mulder, who nodded in return.  
  
"Now that you mention it, yeah." Her partner agreed.  
  
Miss Parker shook her head. "She knows we have her mother, she wants her back, she gave in, simple as that."  
  
"Still," Jarod cut in, "We better take some precautions when we meet."  
  
Ninth Day  
  
1.1.6 Downtowner  
  
10:00 p.m.  
  
Ashlee sat at a table in the far corner of the bar, manuscript in hand, drinking a coke. She waited until she saw Mulder walked in with Lorrene by his side.  
  
"Hello Mr. Mulder." Ashlee said doing her best Deep Throat impression.  
  
"Ashlee," he said nodding in recognition.  
  
"So we meet again. And under such pleasant circumstances!"  
  
Mulder grimaced almost unnoticeably, but Ashlee was an expert when it came to his facial expressions. "Hey Mom!" Ashlee said to the woman who smiled at her.  
  
"Hey Ashlee."  
  
"So did you make 'em pay?" Ashlee asked, smiling a knowing smile.  
  
"You bet your ass I did." Mulder once again grimaced, this time at the memory.  
  
As Lorrene sat down Ashlee handed him the manuscript. "Here you go. Enjoy!" With that she and her mother rose to leave. After they were gone Scully, Jarod and Miss Parker joined Mulder at the table and they began to read the manuscript.  
  
After reading the whole thing, four very disgusted people threw it down. "What the hell? Jarod and I have an NC-17 scene and have twins, to which I give natural birth? This is disgusting!! I would never do that with *him*!"  
  
"Well, you're not alone Parker!" Jarod said angrily.  
  
"I end up having sex with Fowley?!?!?!?! I can't believe this!" The poor victim of this unspeakable violation turned to their partner. "And wipe that damn dirty, pleased look off your face Mulder!"  
  
Mulder shook himself. "Well, it's not like you guys have all the bad luck! I get put in the Centre and tortured and raped to no end just because I know the two of you!" He pointed a finger at Miss Parker and Jarod, who were still bickering.  
  
"I think we should do something!" Parker exclaimed. "Make her write it right!"  
  
Jarod stopped her. "Did you look at the end note?"  
  
She snatched the paper from him and read.  
  
You didn't make any specifications. Tsk, Tsk, but a deal is a deal. hs I know what you're thinking, but paybacks a bitch, and at least I have a positive attitude about my destructive behavior! Have fun, be merry and think of it this way, at least now you all have a sex life!  
  
Your fav fic writer,  
  
Ashlee  
  
Parker threw it down in disgust. They all rose and left.  
  
That's it, my Pretender Payback. Liked it, loved it, hated it so much that you printed it up and left it down as training paper for your dog? Tell me!!  
  
merriman_peldon@hotmail.com 


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